Ahahha no training today and friday! Such rest days are far and few between! Anyway this means that the next training is NEXT YEAR which is also like the next DECADE hahaha sounds so far away right but no it's just 2 days away HAHHAHA cool right!!!

( PLS DON'T READ THIS!! )

Anyway since monday I've been going back to school to help to paint our banner for openhouse and doing up our noticeboard!! :D
( BANNER PAINTING & NOTICEBOARD PICTURES :) )

2009!
I guess the most significant thing that has happened to me this year has been joining canoeing! And I've not regretted that decision at any point of time, even during the toughest trainings, cos I know that all 11 of us are fighting towards the very same goal :) I've made friends whom I love very very much for bringing so much joy into my life, and met very amazing people who I respect alot (coaches). Here's to a great Nationals next year and I hope the next 4 months will be a very fulfilling journey! <3

Academics wise, this year has been my DARKEST year (pun intended)... it was an all-low point in my life hahahah. Okay I shouldn't laugh this is a serious matter. Sleeping in tutorials/lectures, failing almost all the lecture tests, barely scraping past promos, and now it seems that I haven't learnt my lesson as I haven't even completed half of my holiday homework... Sigh I know it'll be difficult and I don't know how I'm going to do it but next year I will manage my time well and not let trainings affect my studies anymore... good luck to me and to the rest of my teammates (except rachel & xf & qitian who are alrd doing it very well)!

I remember long long ago back in nanyang I never understood how other people would place their cca/council before other stuff, but now I do... it's called committment :) I realise that this year I've been placing canoeing and my teammates above everyone else - my family, my classmates and other friends... E.g. I gave class gathering a miss cos of double training that day and the next day... I'm sorry but I was really very tired and needed rest :( I promise I will attend the next class outing!! I couldn't have asked for a more peaceful class to spend these 2 years in jc with, I remember when the ct groups list was out I was really happy cos all the ppl I recognised were damn nice :)

OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL QUEK AIK TIAM THX FOR BEING SHORTER THAN ME!!! And for being such a funny girl and for always being so cheerful, love youu strong girl! :D
(and happy birthday margaux ith also and all the many other dec 31st babies haha)

Its time to reflect on the year!
I think i've grown up alot this year. Became alot more world-weary i would say. Not exactly a good or bad thing cos it has made me more cynical. The world isnt such a pretty place anymore. Growing up is tough... Ignorance is really bliss. Till you find out bout your ignorance. Haiyah. Ok im done reflecting for now.

oh this is damn cool. i actually saw this at scf the other day.
cant rmb which day cos the trng days just kinda all blur tgt.

I actually bought a book for the first time in like who knows how long. It's weird. I'm obsessed with Twilight yet I didn't get the book, though I end up reading and rereading it over and over again.

I used to be a bookworm, but eventually I stopped reading because I couldn't find the newer books of the series I was interested in and didn't really want to start on other series because I didn't know if they would be good enough for me.

I finish the book in a day. In some ways, I like it better than Twilight. In other ways, it's probably much less believable/real as compared to Twilight even though the latter does concern vampires. I think the setting has something to do with it.

I wished they had fleshed out certain characters as well before killing them off.

I found this very interesting article on ohnotheydidnt 

We're loving angels instead: Publishing craze goes celestial

Heavenly creatures are taking over from vampires as the next big thing in books and Hollywood

By Susie Mesure

Sunday, 27 December 2009

Angels, it seems, are not just for Christmas. Authors and film-makers are rushing to bring out books and movies starring celestial beings to cash in on the latest publishing craze.

Not that readers should expect redemption from the slew of new stories hitting the shelves. Many of the winged protagonists have a darker side that publishers hope will tap into the booming supernatural genre, which Stephenie Meyer set alight with her Twilight vampire series.

Booksellers are already reporting strong interest in many of the new fallen angels titles, including Lauren Kate's Fallen and Becca Fitzpatrick's Hush, Hush, which hit the bestselling lists on its debut. WH Smith has tipped angels to be a "strong trend" for it next year, while Waterstone's said that fallen angels – so called because they have had their wings clipped for being bad and then they fall to earth – had "struck a chord" with its children's buying team.

"These angels appear as normal angels but they are very dark. A bit like vampires. But instead of sucking blood they suck human energy and life force, which they need to survive," said Megan Larkin, Usborne's fiction editor. She has commissioned the children's author L A Weatherly to write a trilogy about renegade angels, due out next autumn.

As with vampires such as Twilight's Edward Cullen, the new angels are igniting strong feelings from their opposite sexes in the human world. Cindy Hwang, executive editor at Berkley Books, a Penguin imprint that publishes J R Ward's "Covet" series, said: "Angels appeal because they are larger than life, more beautiful, sexier and more sensual creations. Fallen angels have the same flaws that ordinary people have, which is attractive. If someone can tame such a powerful being and get them to fall in love with them, then that's very seductive."

Analysts expect the new paranormal love interest further to buoy the young adult publishing category, which has seen sales rocket this year on the back of demand for vampire titles.

Fallen angels are also emerging as a major theme in Hollywood, with next month's Legion, starring Paul Bettany as an errant messenger, the first of several similar movies in the pipeline. Earlier this month, Disney picked up the rights to Fallen, which is handily the first in a four-part series, and Will Smith is working on an adaptation of Danielle Trussoni's Angelology for Sony Pictures Entertainment.

Ms Hwang said interest in angels, which last surfaced in the early 1990s, had been rekindled by the Mayan prophecy of the end of the world in 2012. "People are thinking about the apocalypse. That's why the angel craze this time is darker. The ambiguity reflects how we feel about the world," she added.

Rose Fox, fantasy reviews editor at the trade magazine Publishers Weekly, said: "If these stories are particularly compelling at the moment, perhaps it's because the world is full of questions and fears right now. Readers who blame themselves for their misfortune may find comfort in stories of angels who broke rules or failed at tasks and are given second chances. Readers struggling with uncertainty may enjoy the idea of a cosmic plan."

That uncertainty has also rekindled interest in more traditional angel books, featuring guardian angels rather than fallen ones. The most popular is Lorna Byrne's Angels in My Hair, which has sold about 60,000 copies, according to Nielsen BookScan. Judith Kendra, publishing director at Rider, said: "These are usually stories of great comfort that touch on all of our feelings of vulnerability now that we all live very individual lives away from our family. People like to feel there is somebody or something watching out for them and trying to help."

Legion

God is angry with humankind and is taking his revenge via an army of angels sent to wipe the world clean of humanity. Can Paul Bettany, who plays a fallen angel, right, stop them? In cinemas from 5 March.

An Angel Healed My Heart

Glennyce Eckersley believes that angels are all around us. An Angel Healed my Heart, released earlier this month, is her collection of "true" stories about encounters with angels.

Covet

In J R Ward's bestseller, good and evil are fighting for supremacy in the ultimate endgame. Only Jim Heron, a carpenter turned fallen angel, can save the day. Or can he?

Fallen

Here, the classic love triangle features Luce Price, an alienated girl at a reform school, who is torn between two young men, unaware that they are fallen angels.

Angel's Blood

The vampire hunter Elena Deveraux has been hired by the dangerously beautiful Archangel Raphael. But this time she has to track an archangel gone bad rather than a wayward vamp.

The Unfinished Angel

A flawed angel befriends a young girl in a Swiss Alpine village, inhabited by an elderly population. Cue much joy and happiness all round.

Hush, Hush

Nora Grey unwittingly gives her heart to a fallen angel, Patch, who is also her classmate. Watch out, though: Patch has a dark agenda to get his wings back. Sequel to follow.

Angels in my Hair

An autobiography by Lorna Byrne, a modern-day mystic who grew up "seeing angels" such as the Archangel Michael and the prophet Elijah.


Wow. Angels. Something that I can totally empathize with. This Fallen book looks like something worth reading. Or maybe I'm just hoping for a new Bella-Edward-Jacob type of saga to keep me going.

You know this is going to inspire me to get another wing related tattoo. Maybe do a full pair across my upper back like I've always wanted.

What about sunrise?
What about rain?
What about all the things that you said we were to gain?
What about killing fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the things that you said was yours and mine?
Did you ever stop to notice all the blood we've shed before?
Did you ever stop to notice this crying Earth, its weeping shores?

What have we done to the world?
Look what we've done.
What about all the peace that you pledge your only son?
What about flowering fields?
Is there a time?
What about all the dreams that you said were yours and mine?

Did you ever stop to notice all the children dead from war?
Did you ever stop to notice this crying Earth, its weeping shores?

I used to dream.
I used to glance beyond the stars.
Now I don't know where we are, although I know we've drifted far.

Hey, what about yesterday?
What about the seas?
The heavens are falling down.
I can't even breathe.
What about everything I given you?
What about nature's worth?
It's our planet's womb.
What about animals?
We've turned kingdoms to dust.
What about elephants?
Have we lost their trust?
What about crying whales?
We're ravaging the seas.
What about forest trails, burnt despite our pleas?
What about the holy land torn apart by greed?
What about the common man?
Can't we set him free?
What about children dying?
Can't you hear them cry?
Where did we go wrong?
Someone tell me why.
What about baby boy?
What about the days?
What about all their joy?
What about the man?
What about the crying man?
What about Abraham?
What about death again?


Do we give a damn?

It's been 7 days since my last post. I don't think I've ever had such a long break from blogging. But I guess it's pretty much because nothing of much interest has been going on and I've been preoccupied with something else other than FYP and Twilight. I suppose when school starts proper within the next few weeks, Twilight will be out of my mind, so I want to enjoy it while I still can.

I've caught Avatar and Sherlock Holmes. Christmas Eve was my first anniversary with Eugene. We went to Kushinbo at Suntec to eat before the Sherlock Holmes movie. I got him toys and he got me the sequined jacket I saw at Mango.



I haven't been taking outfit shots so I don't have a full picture of the jacket but it's everything that I've ever wanted in a sequined jacket. It has matte silver sequins all over that I absolutely love. And for the price I can't complain either. I love sequins so this is essentially perfect and fits in my wardrobe.

Oh I also had a hair change. It's something quite drastic for me.

I wasn't really planning to at first. I just wanted to maybe get a cut to get rid of all the frizzy ends and the curls that my hair gets itself into when it grows out. But somehow I ended up doing a soft rebond.

So this is how it looks like now.





It's like stick straight, more straight than I'm ever used to. I'm still trying to get used to it being so straight. I never really wanted to do a rebond and stuff like that because I had a feeling that it would make my hair look limp. And it does look limp. It's much less frizzier now for sure and straighter than ever, but I think it makes my face look big. Well Eugene likes it. He's always complaining about the quality of my hair and how frizzy it is, so now he can't say anything lol.

And the contacts thing? Well Eugene said if I make the effort to wear contacts he'll make an effort to dress better. So I'm trying to get used to wearing it.

Also, due to partial influence from Phyllis I started to wear nail polish again.

So many changes.

Tomorrow the results will be out.

No, don't let the title mislead you.  I am not taking my vows anytime soon.

It's actually the title of a Korean reality show, shot sometime last year - has two seasons now, I think.  Anyway it's like this:  two starlets will be brought together to lead a life of a married couple, and they're constantly being referred to as 'student couple' because they're not really a couple and they're not really married.  So...I don't know what the point of the show is, but it's incredibly sweet and funny at the same time.

I'll begin explaining why I'm suddenly YouTubing this show.  It's because I remembered Kim Taeyeon (leader of SNSD a.k.a. Girls' Generation) when my iPod shuffled to her solo song, called 'If'.  Then I started YouTubing videos of her singing (she's one of my favourite singers to hear live), and unexpectedly came across the news of her 'marriage'.  I was stunned, because apparently, she was 'married' to a 30-year-old comedian who is round and short.  And Taeyeon is young and beautiful (by the way, she's completely natural except for her double eyelids).  Epic mismatch.

So anyway, I began searching for news of her 'marriage' on Google and found out that it was a scam -.-  basically, she took part in We Got Married and was matched to the comedian.  Then I went back to YouTube We Got Married, and started watching a couple of episodes of them.  Nothing much, except Taeyeon is really nice and pretty, and I discovered that we behave in almost the same way in a relationship.

Then I got bored anticipating her next move, and noticed that SUPER JUNIOR's Kangin took part in We Got Married too.  THAT got my attention (maybe there's Donghae!).  So I changed my target and went on to YouTube Kangin on We Got Married.

Okay so he's 'married' to Lee Yoon Ji, who is this starlet I've seen several times in Korean dramas acting cute-girl roles.  And she IS cute, and sweet.  She's also very pretty, and their episodes were hilarious mainly because Kangin's a joker.  Their episodes were shot in January this year, I think.  Anyway, they have really really romantic parts together.  Like...okay, because they're not really a couple, they haven't had any form of skinship (a term I picked up from Donghae - okay, watching Donghae's videos).  And Kangin was really, really silly in a sweet way.

See, they're not allowed to spend their own money.  They're given a fixed amount every month to survive on.  So Kangin suddenly spends a lot of the money on buying Ferris Wheel tickets.  Yoon Ji doesn't particularly like Ferris Wheel rides and was rejecting him until she saw his sad face - okay you see, they're both really really good to each other, very sweet and very caring - and relented.  So they got on it.

Kangin babbled on and on for ten minutes in the carriage, not getting to the point, and Yoon Ji just nodding and trying to comprehend, and finally when the ride was about to end, he extended his hand.  Blur Yoon Ji shook it -.-  afterwards, they finally got to hold hands.

OHMYGOD super silly.  And the stuff they do for each other.  There was this night the show wanted them to tell each other their feelings about the show and each other.  Kangin's a radio station host (alongside Taeyeon, I might add) and Yoon Ji posted her thoughts on the website, hoping that he'd read her shoutout on the show.  Unfortunately blur Yoon Ji posted on the wrong section of the page, and he didn't get to see anything or read anything.  And Kangin, to tell Yoon Ji his feelings, dedicated this English song called 'When I First Saw You' to her on the radio.  It's a beautiful song.

Yoon Ji, after realising her shoutout wasn't read out, refused to let the day end without Kangin knowing her feelings.  So she wrote on a dozen post-it pads, went outdoors and stuck them along the path Kangin has to walk up to enter their house (oh they're given a house to live in just like a married couple).  She was just...so sweet.

That's just one of the things she's done.  She also made this little photo album for Kangin's birthday.  Each page had two photo slots.  The upper slot would be one of her next to a Korean word, and the lower slot would be a note from one of Kangin's friends.  As Kangin flipped the photo album, the Korean words read, 'Happy Birthday Kangin' or something along the lines of that.  I don't think I will ever be that sweet.

Oh well.  Shall go back to Kangin and Yoon Ji.

Yesterday a chain of events happened that without which the next part wouldnt happen!
Wanted to blog about it yst but i fell asleep.

1. It rained quite heavilyt while i was walking out of scf so i decided not to go for the converse warehouse sale and take 16 then go home.

2. At the bustop i kept my stuff and shun bian go check on my phone. Saw yixian's msg bout her shoebag just as 16 came. Bus left as i was thinking bout whether i saw it or not so i decided to go back scf and see.

3. Got considerably wetter on the way back so i decided to go walk to kallang mrt and go to the warehouse sale since quite wet alr.

4. Decided not to jaywalk the underpass there as i usually would cos it was raining so heavily. So decided to go to the underpass there and walk pass the bunch of foreign workers who were looking at this female person who was hanging something... it looked like they were waiting for her to hang her thing then they can go off together.

5. Realised that the person was GEORGI!! haha she was there waiting for the rain to get smaller cos she no umbrella. The foreign workers were looking at her cos she suddenly stood up! haha.

6. Ferried her to the mrt there and i took bus to the converse warehouse sale.

7. Walked for quite a while in the rain to the place cos i was too lazy to take out my umbrella. So my bag got quite wet.

8. Went in and saw this hourly special thing.. Everlast shoes for 2 for $20!! OMG! haha went to see then not bad leh the shoes quite nice. Found out huishan wanted shoes as well when i was smsing her on the way. so called to ask whether she want.

9. Yay so now i got new shoes!! but then my ipod's click wheel wasnt responsive when i wanted to use it on the way home! I think cos it got wet. Damn sad cos only started using it not long ago. I think warranty was over already..

10. Went to check on it this morning and its ok alr! wah damn lucky. :DD

ok actually this post quite pointless.
i had more meaningful things to post a few days ago but then lj keep telling me i got a post dated _______ that was later than this and ask me to put it as date out of order when it alr is!!
then i keep trying to change it then also no use.. >:(
so i just put it as an earlier date lor.. sian.
my sis is getting really really talkative..

Whoever commented on my post titled 'Faith', thank you.
Will you let me know who you are?

Slept from 10am to 7pm hhahhahah! Landed in Singapore at 6+am this morning after a freaking TWELVE HOUR FLIGHT!!! Watched 5 movies in the plane wth -.- Omg I hate JET LAG how am I ever going to sleep tonight!? And training tmr will kill me cos during the training hours it's like my sleeping hours in switzerland/paris (7 hours behind singapore) :\



HELLO BOAT I'VE MISSED YOU! <3
IM SO EXCITED FOR TRAINING TMR I CAN'T WAIT I MISSED IT SO MUCH!!!! As in really, no sarcasm intended!! The first few days of the trip I just kept thinking and thinking about the number of trainings I was going to miss and I just felt damn sad that I couldn't train and instead I was going to grow fat and degenerate, which I did. Ate so many chocolates cos it's just damn nice!!! Got some chili chocolate which is super cool :D And every meal I ate good food so obviously I gained like a few thousand kgs :( Before I left for the trip I survived only on Q bread for breakfast lunch dinner during training days LOL. And then during long bus trips I would look at all the photos from camp and lijun and yixian's bday that were still in my camera and feel super sad that I'm not there!! You know on the bus back home during the last training before I flew away, there were tears in my eyes as the bus drove past the kallang river.... OK IN SHORT I MISSED CANOEING ALOT LAH and I've never been so glad to be back in Singapore :)

( about the trip and pictures! :D )

I'm glad I'm not at home most of the time these days. I would not want to hear the crazed screams and yells that my sis throws at my parents for one reason or the other. I do not want to the hear sound of things smashing against the walls or floors. I do not want to hear all these miserable things that make up my family. I'm glad I don't have to deal with it. It's not my problem. I don't know who my parents are trying to kid. They can't handle her. It's their problem if they don't want to seek professional help. They are the ones who have to with her, not me. I just try to keep out of the house as much as possible.

It makes me curious as to how one person can have so much anger and hatred within himself. I used to be an angry person when I was younger so I know it takes a lot of energy and a lot of effort to keep it up. It amazes me how she can spew out outburst after outburst, tantrum after tantrum.

Right now, so much yelling outside my room. Yelling at the top of her voice.

Crazed. The voice of a crazed person really.

Wow. I'm amazed. She really has no respect for parental authority. Never in a million years would I ever talk to my dad like that.

"stupid smirk on your face'

"big fat liar"

"no parents like you, you should be ashamed of yourself"

"stop smirking, so pathetic"

Seriously, WTF. How about no daughter like you, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Seriously, I am ashamed to be part of this family. Ashamed that such a human being exists and is actually related to me.

This is seriously epic.

So much yelling. Stomping around. I am blown away.

Actually this isn't very random.  I'm just too lazy to think of a title.  This is a quick update.

I went cycling at East Coast Park on Thursday and fell down, cutting the skin above my left ankle with the pedal or something.  I bled a lot, apparently (according to the doctor).  It's a 1.5cm laceration.  Pretty deep as well - could see flesh.  Anyway, I went to the hospital that night because my parents decided it was too deep, and I had trouble walking because it really hurt.  Not the cut.  Stepping down hurt.

I got four stitches and a tetanus vaccination just in case I get an infection, and the doctor told me some tendon is strained and that is why I had difficulty walking.

Which means I am temporarily crippled.  Missed Gefang's show at St. James Power Station yesterday evening, which meant $18 and an opportunity to see the Gefang people wasted.  Also, I can't go to Bugis to get the amulet I wanted to get for my baby for his trip to Thailand the day after tomorrow.  And I can't see him off.

Damn.

I painted my nails with a OPI metallic silver nail polish while I was bored doing nothing.  Jocelyn recommended the brand.  It's really quite nice, but I suddenly feel like Lady Gaga.  Don't ask why.  Dramatic nails, I guess.  Lately I associate everything dramatic with Lady Gaga.  But the nails are nice, so I shall leave the nail polish on.

My baby has tuition now.  I shall...I don't know.  Lie in bed with my iPod and do nothing.

I am bored.  People come visit me.

Yesterday we went for Play On 2009, a band competition, at Junction 8. Even though we didn't win, it was an awesome experience. We did an original composition by Derek and it sounded really really good. We also got to watch many other really great bands perform, such as Angeloft, Voodoo and The Auditory Effect. Thanks to everyone who voted. I think we were 2nd in the votes. I'll miss jamming when I graduate and leave hall. Hope to be able to do more gigs next semester!

People keep making fun of my Twilight/Edward obsession.

Sigh. They don't understand. But I can't blame them because they don't know who I am deep inside. They always think I'm cold, cool, aloof and all that, but when it comes to realizing and fulfilling my dreams and fantasies, I am just full of emotion and passion.

Right now, Twilight is that escape from reality. I swear I can reread and reread the books over and over again and not get sick of it. Not get sick of reading about Edward, about getting to know Edward and his relationship with Bella. How fiercely protective he is of her, how his life revolves around her, how unselfish he is. Everything he does is for Bella. He lives for her solely. Where can you get that now in the modern world of reality?

It just doesn't exist. Which is why Twilight is so appealing to me. Edward is everything that I had ever wanted in a partner, and the relationship that he has with Bella is everything that I ever dreamed any relationship of mine would be. But that just doesn't happen. Things like that just don't exist in real life.

And it leaves me sad. Sad that I can never get to experience the kind of love that they have. Sad that I am a real person and not a character in a story. Sad that I exist and have to grow old and die one day. Why? I keep asking why. Why I have to go through this. Why I can't be someone special. Why I can't meet that someone who lives solely for me.

I'm probably obsessed to the point of it being a little unhealthy. But I don't care. Right now I just want to live Twilight through the books. It's pathetic I suppose. But life right now isn't really that good that I want to go through it. I want to be somewhere else right now and not have to think about how I am going to deal with the things happening in life.

I need that escape. I have never craved for such an escape so desperately in a long while. It has been years. And I feel so frustrated. Frustrated that I can't escape. Why can't I? If only I had the power to do so. If only.

Why can I live out my fantasies? I don't want to go back. I want to escape.

I went down and I came back up again. I don't know why I'm crying. Or maybe I'm just too afraid of the truth. The selfish truth. Thinking of no one but myself. It reminded me of the scene when Edward was going to join the fight against the new born army, but Bella used a low blow on him to get him to stay with her instead of going to fight. By reminding Edward of how she was when she was without him. How wretched and depressed she had been. And Edward agreed, because he felt guilty for putting her through that. Bella knew she was selfish, but she just didn't want him to fight and disappear.

I feel ashamed of feeling this way. It seems wrong. But I can't help myself. It really seems that when life is just going on too good, something bad will happen. I always fear that. Fear when the next blow will come to cripple me from below. You can't blame me for being pessimistic. I'm not used to having good things happening to me all the time. Somehow it seems, I know that it will be just filled with bad things.

I need to go be in another place right now. A place where I can detach myself from reality and just dream of fantasies, of my deepest desires being fulfilled. It's the only way to get through whenever I'm feeling sad and depressed. Right now, Twilight is that world. It may sound stupid, but it's my form of escapism right now.

How I wish, how desperately I wish that I would be transported there right this instant and be Bella just for a moment. Please.

I finished reading all four Twilight books.

And I want to reread them again.